Freezing up with the F-BOMB

I was on my way to work this morning on the train and had to get up from seat at some point because a person next to me was coughing all over me (literally, I could see pieces of the cough projecting towards me). I got up and sat next to a group of what must have been middle school kids. They were being kids and were generally decent kids doing what kids do until I started hearing some of the guys start calling each other faggots. Someone, I am assuming their teacher, said something to them like "stop that now" with barely any conviction--like she had to do it but deep down she didn't really care (my assumption).

Usually in this situation I would get up and leave and be pissed about it. I didn't pause or center myself, I just blurted out something like "You're being ridiculous" to the kids--not really the most productive or nonviolent thing I could say. All day long I've thought about what I could have said and all sorts of things came up for me. I thought about who I was when I was that age and how being called that word would have crushed me (and often did). I thought about all the times I wanted to kill myself for hating who I was and for fearing how my family and my god would react if they knew who I was. I felt sorry for boys and for men in our culture who resort to shaming and humiliating each other and who are unable to connect to each other and the world around them in authentic ways. Most of all I felt angry that I was unable to say anything that allowed me to share the impact of their words on the people around them, for I know that if I wanted to stand up and say something then there were likely others sitting by (maybe even one of those boys) who were even more afraid, or who are silenced with the weight that word carries.

I hope that as I continue to study and practice that I can do better each time something like this happens, since it seems to happen a lot to me. I don't know if this is because I am just paying attention more, or if it's because I am wanting to learn nonviolence at a deep level and the Universe is giving me chances to practice. I thought later in the day that what I could have said was "Guys, I am not sure what that word means to you, or if you are saying it to humiliate each other or are just joking around, but I wanted to let you know that word is hurtful to many people including me it's not a funny thing to say, it's not right to say, and there is no need to degrade another person. There is too much hate, violence, and meanness in the world and you can do better, we all can, to stop it". I thought of other variations of that too. I go back and forth of how much to say, or what to say. I also thought of some shorter things like "What does that word mean to you" just to ask a question, or "When I heard you use that word I feel angry and upset because that word has been used to hurt many people I love and care about and I want a community where everyone is treated with kindness and respect" That last one is a tough one, because it's true, but I also know that most people (or I assume) would not care about how I feel. Sometimes though I think it's good to just say these things anyway, because just as they can drop their f-bombs and wage their violence, I can wage love and drop a love bomb all over them. :)